running round in a circle

Running round in a circle

That's what I feel like I'm doing with my guitar playing.
I'm stuck in a rut. The way to improve is to jam with other people hmm? Yeah, but I always feel like I'm not good enough (it's not being humble, it's the fucking truth.) Plus, I don't have anyone to jam with, no one of the same level (read: crap).

So if I don't jam with others, I don't improve, and if I feel I'm not good enough, I can't jam with others, and if I don't then I can't improve..

Get the picture? Argh it's a vicious, snapping, snarling circle and I can't kick it.

I've got riffs etc al, but I'm shy, too bloody shy and insecure to play them for others to listen to. I know, I know, let others listen and critique, and improve on it. But I don't think the shit I come up with is even good enough to let a kid who knows fuck all about music listen to. I really don't feel good playing for other people to hear, I get nervous and self-consious and then my playing gets affected and I play like shit. How the hell am I gonna get with a band and play and become the huge, worldwide rockstar huh?

Ok, kidding about the rockstar bit. Just how am I gonna play with a band if I'm so self consious? I can't even take that very first step.

See everybody. I'm not that happy carefree kid I may appear to be. I crack too, I'm so far from perfect it's not funny.


It's useless, so fucking useless. Maybe I should just quit.